In keeping with their month-long push toward October 31st’s season opener, the Golden State Warriors have raised the stakes on their GSW Countdown giveaway series. We’re not talking about a few free tickets to preseason games or a XXL t-shirt.
This time, the Dubs’ owners are giving away their floor seats—for one night only.
Once-in-a-lifetime opportunities should not be squandered, and this is definitely one of them. So don’t be unprepared. Here are some suggestions for what the potential contest winners should do if they find themselves courtside on November 10 against the Nuggets:
1. Approach Andris Biedrins and inquire as to whether he’s broken a sweat in the last four seasons.
2. See if you can convince Nuggets center JaVale McGee that there is, in fact, a third invisible basket on all NBA courts. Tell him that all baskets scored on this hidden goal are worth quadruple points. Watch in delight as he sprints off to find the invisible basket. JaVale McGee is not bright.
3. Assuming you are granted ownership’s powers (along with its seats), make the executive decision that that horrible band behind Section 120 that plays during stoppages is immediately fired. What is this, minor league baseball? Are we also giving out 2-for-1 coupons to the livestock auction? Get rid of that nonsense.
4. Determine whether Oracle’s new multimillion dollar jumbotron is actually rigged to cave the roof in, making it necessary for the team to move to San Francisco before 2017. That makes more sense than spending millions on a bunch of screens you’re leaving behind in five years, right?
5. Ask the Warriors Hoop Troop—you know, the guys who ride around on tricycles and shoot t-shirts out of cannons—if this is what they envisioned doing with their degrees from UC Davis.
6. Also ask them how easily the tears wash out from their blue jumpsuits.
7. Finally, see if they’ll still give you a t-shirt if there are no hard feelings.
8. You could also watch the game, I guess.